MY GOAL IS GOD HIMSELF
Last week, while my husband and I were reading our devotional before bed together, I had one of those “aha!” Christian moments. It was a moment I am familiar with because it’s happened to me before. The moment where I quickly go from thinking I know something, to realizing I am absolutely clueless.
“My goal is God himself, not joy nor peace, nor even blessing, but Himself, MY GOD.” (My Utmost for His Highest)
As I read these words out loud, they could have just gone in one ear and out the other. And for a moment, they did pass through my gaze, ready to be forgotten. As I set the book down and resumed getting comfortable to watch TV and call it a night, I couldn’t shake this feeling. It was as if the Spirit of God was tapping me gently on the shoulder, asking me to open the book back up and examine those words more carefully. The “aha!” moment still had not happened at this point. As I went back to re-read those words silently, it was as if a blinder was being removed from my eyes.
REWIND TO 2017
My devotion for the new year was to seek God first; to set aside all my wishes and dreams, and simplify my normal New Year’s resolution list down to one life change pulled straight from Scripture, “seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these other things will be added.” ~Matthew 6:33. A year and a half AFTER setting my intentions on this very topic, and here we are, the Spirit showing me I’m still not getting it.
Let me help you understand where I’m at. When I sought out to seek God first, I was actually seeking God’s gifts He promises when we are His children. I was seeking His blessings for my life; His peace, His joy, His faithfulness, His promises, His provision, His grace. While that’s a huge step from seeking a husband, a house, a child, a new car, all things that are also okay to desire, I was still missing it.
WE ARE TO SEEK GOD, AND HIM ALONE
What does that even look like? Because for so long I thought seeking His joy, peace, love, comfort, and grace was seeking Him. And I’m sure some would still fight me on this. But no, we are still missing it. When we draw near to God, he draws near to us. It’s a fine line because when Jesus transforms me, I want to celebrate it, and I should. We should celebrate what the Lord has done in us and for us. But we should not pursue it. Because it’s not really about US. It’s about Him. This is what distorts our personal intimacy with The Lord. We are to be concerned with Jesus, not what Jesus has done for us. There is a difference, and it’s significant.
HERE’S WHERE IT GETS BETTER
AND EASIER. Rather than chasing tirelessly after peace, joy, comfort, provision, grace, and all the other things the Lord promises us, we get to throw that list away and chase one thing… Jesus. Seek his heart, what breaks it, and what causes him to rejoice… seek friendship and intimacy with Him. Read his word, eat it up, get to know his longings, desires, and what he thinks of us. Pursue him like you would pursue the love of your life (because he is the greatest love of our lives) and suddenly, without any effort of our own, joy is present, peace floods our hearts, provision seeks us out, and grace covers us. It’s not in our efforts we achieve any of these things. And if you take anything away from this, take that. I confess I am nothing without God, but a shell of a human who operates for my own gain. What an empty, tired way to live. And trust me I know, because I’ve done it.
We aren’t bad Christians for seeking godly promises, we are just doing so much more work than necessary. We’re also missing out on a level of freedom and intimacy that is such a blessing and gift. These “aha!” spiritual moments are what I love about this journey as a Christian. I pray and hope I have them at every stage and season of my life. Those moments where the Holy Spirit chooses to reveal something so precious to my striving, stubborn heart. Open yourself up to these moments. Tell The Lord you want Him to guide your life and direct your thoughts. Realize how desperately hungry our soul is for more of Him. And surrender to Him.
💜🍋