WHY I’LL NEVER MY BRAND MYSELF AS A FEMINIST

I am SO sad. I, just like every millennial woman, have a daily ritual of half-reading Snapchat stories while some Netflix show plays in the background. One of my favorite stories to follow? Cosmo. Duh. Because I’m a girl. A very girly girl. And I rather like reading articles about crazy horror dates gone wrong and whatever Starbucks drink is currently popular. Because why not? (#basic) But over the past year or so, I have noticed a HUGE trend in the so-called “Feminist Movement” that I am so heartbroken over, I don’t even know where to begin.

Almost every day, there is a story on the Cosmo Snapchat with a message that is one of two things…

1) You aren’t crazy for sending your boyfriend bull genitalia when he dumped you, or for putting hair removal cream in that girl’s hair mask because she deserves it, and “you do you, girl!” How heartbreaking that this generation is so stuck on “love yourself” and “you do you” and “GIRL POWER!” that we are not only being given permission, but we are encouraged, to act in degrading, hateful ways toward other people because “they had it coming lol.” 

And 2) This twisted female sexual revolution that is happening. With things now called “the half night stand” encouraging women to sleep with who they want and leave (because why spend the night when all you want is sex anyway and you could be sleeping in your own bed), or articles written about the best parts of being single in your twenties with the number one thing on the list being “you get to sleep around”. How sick. I am angry, I am sad, and I am horrified that we, as women, are saying that standing up for our gender means having sex as much as we want because we can do whatever we want to. Well, yes. You CAN do whatever you want to. But that doesn’t mean you should. Feminism began as women fighting for a vote, a right to be heard, a right to make the same amount of money as a man. A right to be valued for her innate, individual abilities and strengths. These are all things that are wonderful and hugely important. But it has turned into something so sick.

Being a woman, a strong, beautiful, powerful woman means treating your body like a temple, humbling yourself before the Lord, being kind, generous, relentlessly forgiving, loving, selfless, encouraging, and wise. Being a young woman in the middle of this generation is something else. I’ve had extended family members make comments like “she needs to understand that having sex with her boyfriend is necessary. Maybe if she did, he wouldn’t have left her.” (Side note: I’m married now. To a man who ALWAYS respected my boundaries because he loved my soul, not just my body).

LADIES.

If you need to sleep with a man or do anything for a man that makes you uncomfortable or that you don’t want to do, he does not deserve 10 seconds of your time. If you need to sleep around so you can “figure out what you want,” then you don’t have the correct understanding of what love or self-respect is. If you feel that you can do whatever you want because “I’m a woman, hear me roar,” then you have absolutely lost the concept of feminism and are only supporting a bigger rise of selfishness. The mindset of loving yourself first because you can’t love others before you love yourself is 100% false. Since when did loving someone else become about you? We absolutely need to have self-respect, self-love and be confident in the women we’ve been created to be. But our culture has turned a healthy concept into one about serving yourself first.  Since when is putting myself first in my life something that will help our world at all? Or even on a smaller scale, how many of us have really found success in our marriages when we put ourselves above our husbands? Yeah, good luck with that one.

In the middle of this generation, I encourage you, ladies, to stand up for truth. To stand up for selflessness. For true beauty, which demonstrates kindness, respect, gentleness, honesty, and setting boundaries emotionally and physically. That makes a beautiful woman. That makes a strong, independent, HEAR ME ROAR woman.

I am a feminist. I’m a feminist in the sense that I truly believe women have gifts and strengths that are unique to us. I am a feminist in that I believe my role in this world is just as important as my husband’s. But I am also a feminist in the way I believe in trusting my husband and encouraging him as the head of our home. I am also a feminist in the way I kept my virginity until marriage. I am also a feminist in the way the way I believe in supporting other women’s beauty and self-worth and speaking against degrading our bodies with the tempting lure of “free will,” which only leads to self-destruction. But because our feminist movement today consists largely (not solely, just largely) of encouraging women to become selfish and superior is the reason I will never brand myself as a feminist.

And for the record, these were the best things about being single in my 20s…

Let’s make a feminist movement about that.

xo,
Suz