WHEN THE MISSION TO HURT IS ACCOMPLISHED

“You’ve done it again. You’ve screwed up AGAIN. What a complete and utter failure you are.”

Words that have literally been plaguing me for the greater part of the last 6 months of my life.

I find myself at a crossroads. I am torn. Torn between my knowledge of the truth. The truth being that these words… are nothing but lies. On the other hand, they feel so real. So real, that  I can’t help but consider if this is just the reality of my existence.

THE OCEAN OF FAILURE AND DEFEAT

When I am in these moments where I feel like I am rapidly sinking in an ocean of failure and defeat, I have a choice to make. I can choose to run to my secret place of isolation and battle it out alone, or I can make the decision to let it flow from my fingertips through writing in a release to God. I can run to darkness or I can run to the cross.

WE ARE NOT ALONE

Let me preface this by saying that I do not see myself as a victim. This is a battle I am currently fighting and I want to share it because I know I am not alone. I want this to be a community where no one ever feels alone in their sufferings. So with that being said, here it goes. The last 6 months have been amazing. My dreams came true; my prayers were answered. But the amount of hatred and hurt that has been directed at me has been almost unbearable. My marriage has been attacked, my business has been attacked, my character has been attacked, and my faith has been questioned over and over, from people I either couldn’t believe felt that way about me or people from my past who shouldn’t even care.

IT AFFECTS ME

I want to be the type of person who isn’t phased or affected by hurtful words, and I pray as time goes on, I get there. But today I care. Where I’m at in my life right now, it affects me. Greatly. Some of the words are just BS, and other words are the words that echo in my mind daily. I’m not sure if the intent behind speaking such hatred was to hurt me, break me down, and try to get me to a place of defeat. If so, mission accomplished.

I mean let’s be real, we’ve all judged, we’ve all gossiped about someone else’s marriage or formed an unwarranted opinion about someone AT SOME POINT in our lives. None of us are exempt from this behavior. I know I have. Being on the other side of it, I can promise you that I never want anyone to feel the level of defeat and failure I’ve been feeling… ever. So let me ask this, if this was you, or has been you at any time in your life where you felt compelled or even entitled to express an opinion, pass a judgment, or use your words with intent to hurt someone who you felt “deserved” it… if you knew it worked, if you knew it broke them, crushed their spirit and had them feeling like a complete failure, would it make you feel better?

IT’S NOT ABOUT BURNT SWEET POTATOES

Yesterday morning I burnt sweet potatoes I was making for my husband. I had a full blown meltdown and started to confess how much of a failure I was as a wife. At first, he was a little confused as to why I would beat myself up over something so small. But he quickly realized it wasn’t about the sweet potatoes at all. This was something I was battling way beyond sweet potatoes. This was a battle that had roots, and those roots were just being exposed through my burnt sweet potatoes. He quickly embraced me and spent the next 15 minutes speaking life over me, cheering me on, assuring me of how amazing I am to him. He listed off all the important people in my life and assured me of how they view me and feel about me. He encouraged me to focus on that. His words will go with me as I move forward. His words, the same words that would echo the words of my Father in Heaven, are what carry me when I feel too weak to stand on my own.

Our words have power. Please be cautious with yours. I’m pleading with you to choose not to speak defeat, hatred, or death over any other human. I am begging for you to choose to speak love, kindness, gentlenes, and life the next time you go to open your mouth in regards to another person.

Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.
Proverbs 18:21

Xo
KC