WHEN GOD SAYS “PUT THIS DOWN”

As difficult, heartbreaking, and stressful this last year has been in regards to my career and business, I wouldn’t dare change the valley I’ve walked through. “It was all a waste”, the lingering thought that tries to creep in any opportunity given to do so.

A year ago I found myself desiring more. The stable, secure foundation I had built my life upon was suddenly shaking, and it scared me. I knew I wanted more, and I was willing to lose the stability in order to get it. So I went for it. I abandoned everything I knew to be secure to pursue this dream, that I’m not even sure I really want anymore. “Was it really my dream?” The new ringing question plaguing me. My response is what terrifies me. “No, I am confident this is not my dream, not anymore at least.” It was never my first dream to own a store front spa. It was my dream to be a wife, and mother, and to write words that would comfort broken and hurting women.

I find myself In a place where all of a sudden those 3 things I truly want…. are there. They are mine. And I’m missing it. I feel as though I’m neglecting them all. For what, to pursue this “semi-dream” that I don’t even want.

About 2 months ago, amongst pouring my blood sweat, tears, heart and soul into this thing that I don’t even really want, and I find myself at a screeching halt face to face with the Lord. He literally stopped me in my busy, chaos of a pursuit, and extended his hand out, and asked me to hand it all over to him. He arrests and blocks as he sees fit. It’s in his sweet, and gentle requests that I truly find myself in a place where I am reminded just how small I am, and how Incredibly Big he is.

5 years ago, I wouldn’t have let go so easily. I’ve grown. My faith has grown. I know better than to turn my cheek to the requests of my father. My job isn’t to figure out why, or how. My job is to obey. I want to be a present and good wife, and I want to be the best step mom I can be to my son, because he deserves that, and so much more. I want to be there for them. I want to show up. They are worth showing up for. I want to write and show up for you. It’s all I know I am good at In this life. And it’s not even me, it’s Him.

I am still an esthetician and I am still devoted to my clients. I will continue to pour into each and every one, and will probably do it better now that I can focus better and leave work at work when I go home. I will still do what I love,  I will just do it different than I planned.

Lavender and lemons is not done. Lavender and Lemons is so much bigger than just a store front day spa. For me, I am letting go of this small limited picture I set my mind to without really considering what I truly want. It’s still my little business, it will just remain small as it was originally intended to be. I want you to understand Lavender and Lemons is so much more then a spa, it’s a community, a ministry, a blog, social media brand, and a platform that isn’t going anywhere. In fact, I foresee it growing radically as the Lord breathes new life in it yet again. My best friend and partner of Lavender and Lemons isn’t going anywhere either. This isn’t anything without her. It’s half a heartbeat, and as long as she wants it, it’s hers as well.

It feels good to let go. I was afraid it would feel like failure, but it doesn’t. It’s brave, and it’s powerful. That I’m sure of. I feel like a weight has been lifted and I’m free. I’m not the same as I was a year ago, I will always celebrate this last year. Wow what a year it was. It stretched me beyond what I ever though I was capable of. It matured me, and opened my eyes to some very harsh realities about myself and some of the people I was holding onto. It forced me to let go of so much toxicity I was clinging to. God cleaned up my life and blessed me beyond comprehension. Now I want to soak those blessings up. I want to make room for God, my family and this community. So cheers to the future and being open to where God may lead me…… like Paris! 🥂

💜🍋 KC