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MARK THIS MOMENT

March 11, 2019 /

I am marking this moment. The moment where I declare I am trusting God in this suffering.

STABILITY GONE

About a year ago as my life changed radically over night I began praying a pretty bold prayer. I literally had my “rug of stability” pulled, no, yanked out from under me. Everything I had built my life upon suddenly laying in a pile of shambles right in front of me.

It was a bittersweet time, because among the mess I was in, I was about to marry the man of my dreams. From a distance it appeared as though my life was finally falling into place, but the reality was everything around me outside of my relationship was crumbling to pieces. Looking back, I don’t know how I did it. I was physically and emotionally numb, and living off adrenaline and prayer alone. My life was complete and utter chaos, but at the same time, my biggest dream was coming true.

PARALYZED AND UNTRUSTING

As paralyzed as I was, it was through this time I recognized just how much I did not trust God. I knew what he was capable of, I believed he could do miracles and change lives in an instant, but I didn’t trust that I would ever be worthy of experiencing the God of miracles for my own life. In turn, I took a lot of things into my own hands. Things that had no business ever leaving the hands of God we’re suddenly being ripped away from my grip. I came to realize that these things were never in His will for my life in the first place. As I began to pray this bold prayer, I asked God to teach me to trust Him. Little did I know, the lesson of trust is often and in my case done through suffering.

It’s crazy to me that through suffering we learn to trust God. In my humanness it’s only in suffering that I’ve ever doubted Gods goodness. How is it that the one and only thing that has ever had me question Him, would be the instrument He used to teach me one of the biggest lessons this side of eternity?

LAYERS OF SELFISHNESS

About 10 years ago I was often called self absorbed. I was living life for me, and the scale of self fulfillment, self sufficiency, and self reliance was off the charts. It’s taken God 10 years to work through the layers of “self” I built around my heart many years ago. His tool, suffering. Does God enjoy watching us suffer? No, he absolutely does not. Is he the one to bring the suffering to our lives? No, I don’t believe he does based on what I’ve learned in scripture. He does however allow it, in tolerable doses to teach us to trust more of Him and less of ourselves. What I’ve come to recognize over the years, is that suffering has really been my greatest shield of protection.

“GOD JUST GIVE ME NORMAL!”

God has a plan for our lives that we cannot see. His plan is for our good. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I’ve prayed the prayers begging God for a season of “normal,” and of “rest.” I’ve pleaded with him to take my family into a season where there is no more loss, disappointment, or failures. I’ve cried out “God please just give us a break, it’s what we need!” As if I really, truly, know better than God what me or my family needs. Sure, I want rest, and I want normal. Yes, I am desperate for a drama free season of life. But what do I know? All I do know is I don’t have the capacity to see what is in store for us on the road up ahead, and for good reason. I’d most likely give up before reaching my destination if the full plan was shown to me today. We must take every single day as it comes with new surrender to what God has in store for us. We must trust daily in where he is taking us, and what he is doing, and leave the rest up to him.

So today, I am challenging you my sweet sisters and friends…. to mark this moment. Not later when the suffering passes, but now, in the suffering, declare that you trust God.

Therefore holy brothers and sisters who share in the heavenly calling, fix your thoughts on Jesus whom we acknowledge as our apostle and high priest.

Hebrews 3:1

XO, KC

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